Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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