Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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