My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
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