We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
is that a dick in a sweater?
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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