I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
