Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Randomize
