So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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