new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
She bit a glass in half.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Rumble strips road head = magical
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
