Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
