wanna go halves on a baby?
i just sent this text using only my big toe
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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