Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
