belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
i think i have two assholes
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
