I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize