Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
