...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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