Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
