and you said cock pushups were impossible
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
