i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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