please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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