Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I am available for nakedness
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
