And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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