I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
