i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
