what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
