i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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