i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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