you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I deserve this hangover.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
