sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
