He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
We smell like vodka and hangover
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