Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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