if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
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