Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
