Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Randomize
