Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
