she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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