I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
vagina is talking i cant
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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