I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
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