I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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