she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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