Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
