the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Hippo gnu deer
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
