dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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