Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I am one with the molecules
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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