Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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