worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Boobs are out for the taking
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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