He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
