New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
