I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
