I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I fill condoms, not promises.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
