Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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