oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
