Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
