do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I understand Curling. That high.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Randomize
