my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
It's no shave November. This is our time.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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