the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
she pinky promised me she was 18
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
