Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Randomize
