I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize