If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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