You made me cry and you don't even care
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Randomize
