I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize