wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
