I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
