i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
