so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
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