Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
